Following your heart. Doing what feels right. Normally I am quite good at all this. But since I have fallen in love-gotten married and had children suddenly I find myself not being good at this. I seem to be compromising a lot, confused, I feel alone – lonely, and often at times – frustrated. I don’t just jump on a plane a fly somewhere because I want to or even at most, need to. I can’t just get in my car and drive to a spa to unwind because that’s what I need in order to just connect with myself and …unwind. If it’s planned then sure I can arrange a time and date and go to the spa. But because I have to plan it I don’t plan it. Mostly the part that seems to have the biggest psychological conflict over me is that I feel I am not out there doing exactly what I desire in my career.
Am I making up excuses and blaming my children and husband – family life and motherhood for this circumstance and frustration? That I sacrifice everything I want… in order give them (the husband, the kids, the step kids) all the time and attention they need, demand and deserve…? Supporting my husbands career first since he is the breadwinner…putting my drive, and ambition in the background, because of course where’s the time? Someone’s got to be here at home for the kids. Otherwise put them in child care – why not do this so everyone has their demands met. Is this the case for a child however? Are their needs being met if at a certain age they spend most of the day in child care away from their mother?
The first series of interviews for the show is going to be about just this: Meeting with mothers to deeply explore what is the truth in this phase of life. Is there one common truth? Does it vary? Is there one universal answer? Why so much conflict and what is the right thing to do now? Can you have it all…be married and in love, be an available mother to your babies / young children, have freedom to “go” when you need to go, have a career that can align beautifully with all of the above? What is the right thing to do… for women? For now?
While this show is not exclusively for women (absolutely not) this phase of life is a good place to start because we all start out as babies – needy, dependent, and in search of the same things… love, comfort, food, shelter, safety, water. These basic needs have to be provided somehow, and all through our lives. As these needs meet our ends they meet our beginnings, and someone has to provide them for us. Later on in life we have to make sure we provide them for ourselves. There are parallels and metaphors in every story.